YN'S POV:-

Eunwoo flew down to Italy as soon as the news was sent to him. Jungkook 's papa also came along and was now currently home talking over the incident as they called it.

The surgery to remove a total of two bullets took about five and half hours without Eunwoo in the OR.

When Eunwoo landed in Italy the surgery was over and Jungkook was placed in ICU, the doctors refused me to give any kind of answers since I was not immediate family and my relationship with him had no paper document. And the fact that he was a mob boss and the gunfight took place between two mob bosses and the doctors didn't want to get into too much trouble.

Eunwoo, being a surgeon, was immediately rushed to the ICU as he arrived in the hospital. When he came out of the ICU and declared the results, I was more than shocked.

The bullets had harmed Jungkook in the most disgusting way possible. A number of his shoulder tissues were damaged. The bullet that had pierced his stomach had harmed his intestines and so a length of them had to be discarded.

To sum it all up, Jungkook was in a coma and Eunwoo had no idea when he would wake up. I had asked this question about ten times after the surgery that I annoyed Eunwoo more than his bound could take so he suggested I go home and take a nap.

Conjungkook d by Rico and Eunwoo I arrived home almost numb. I took a warm shower to regain some of my body heat and got dressed in some warm clothes but it did nothing.

As soon as I got out of the shower, dressed, a maid brought a tray of food for me followed by papa.

"I'm not hungry." I started discarding the towel I was using to dry my hair.

"Princess." Papa warns, his voice strong and serious.

"Really, papa." I insist. "I am not at all hungry."

"Well...in that case, I am sitting here with you until you finish your food and curl up for a nap, at least."

"But..."

He asks the maid to put the tray on the bed which she does and she leaves.

With a sigh I realise that papa is not going to let go as easily as I thought so I sip the soup and bread that came along with some fruits.

After I am done, papa asks me to take a nap. And I tell him I will before he leaves.

Curling up on my bed, I hug the furry blanket and close my eyes wanting to fall asleep but as I do l feel ice gliding through my veins as the whole of my body shivers.

Guns were a disgusting thing, I thought. A gun took my mamma's life and a gun almost ruined Jungkook . I sigh.

I've been sighing a lot these days, with all that's going on. Sometimes I feel disappointed. Not being able to stand up for myself. And one of the very few times when I was able to, I crumpled.

I am so weak and pathetic that I am unable to stay put to myself and my decision. I am such a puss that every time I try to stand up for myself I go weak and fall down.

But it's never too late to get up. A voice whispers inside my head. We've been weak and sad, soft and gentle and quite possibly dumb but... isn't it the time to get up and live...not for the sake of surviving. Without a fear of being crumpled. Without a doubt on yourself?

And something inside me says yes. Maybe it's time I start to be...me. Maybe it's time I stand up strong and fight. Not only for myself but everyone around me. My family. The people I love.

And then I realised maybe it's time for me to change. Maybe it's time for me to grow some ounce of self respect and rise above rather than staying beneath everybody.

And that has to be started right now. And I can't stand up if I don't know any self-defense.

Why self-defense cause Jungkook is where he is because I couldn't aim at Salvatore properly. If I had aimed at him and not kissed that too twice I think Jungkook would be healthy and fine instead of fighting for his life. No matter how much wrong he did to me, how double standard games he played with me, he doesn't deserve death for that stuff.

Taking a person's life is if you ask me a big deal. Putting a bullet through the body will certainly kill you and it will also kill the ones who were attached to you by the same string.

So I called Rico. He picked up on the second ring, sounding groggy. "Che cos'è?" He asked.

(What is it?)

"I have something to ask you?" I say tentatively.

"Vai avanti. "He said gently. "What do you want to ask, sissy-bun?"

(Go on)

"Do you like... have any training for females who...you know works with you?" I stammered.

I shouldn't do that. Stammering. It's pathetic.

"I wanted to train. Learn how to shoot and you know combat."

"Come again?" He asks, I can almost see the frown on his face.

"I want to learn how to shoot and fight." I repeat.

"Why would you want to do that?" He asks, I hear shuffling around him through the speaker.

"Cause I don't want to be the damsel in distress anymore." I said. "I want to be a human, Rico."

"But you are a human."

"Yes." I snapped. "A pathetic one too."

"Okay. Okay." He sighs. "We don't have that kind of program for ladies, I mean most of the girls train to be strippers of pole dancers and assassins. You don't want to be an assassin, do you?" He asks.

"No." I replied. "Just defence."

"Well, you can train with me." He said from the other end. "We'll start tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay." I say getting beneath my covers, seems like I have some more time to sleep before I give my self esteem a boost.

"And yn?" He asks again.

"Hmm?"

"Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, it's just we never thought Salvatore would do such a thing you know. He was the most generous leader among the families." He sighs.

"Okay." I say cause I have nothing more and honestly I don't want to feel any more guilt than I have been. I just want to live.

"You're hitting like a little girl, sissy-bun." Rico laughed as I punched the punching bag that he was holding by the sides. "Harder."

Breathing heavily I punched the bag harder, alternating between both my hands.

Sweat dripped down from my head to my shoulder and neck, as I gave every single punch the best I had.

"Harder, yn." Rico ordered. "I barely feel any force."

I huffed as the shortage of air in my lungs was evident and put more force in the punches, almost feeling the muscles around my shoulder and biceps go rigid and relax with each one.

"That's good." Rico encouraged me. "Keep it going like that, we'll do fifteen more."

Breathing deeply I nodded without stopping my punches that were making the bag shift making weird sounds around the hinges it was hanging on from the ceiling of our basement gym.

After the 'punching session' as Rico called it we took a three minute break to drink water and flex our biceps and shoulder muscles so they wouldn't be rigid.

"Do you want to go at yesterday's speed or do something rigid?

"Do you want to go at yesterday's speed or do you want an increase?" Rico asks as I step on to the treadmill. He was adjusting the speed and time and stuff.

"Yesterday." I say. "I feel like I am going to break." I whine.

"Whatever." Rico rolls his eyes. "At least you won't be as fat anymore."

"Whatever."

After Rico adjusts his dials on the treadmill we both hop on ours as the walking starts on a slow pace slowly gaining speed. I was going pretty fast if you ask me. But Rico was going faster and he wasn't having short breaths at all.

But I think I am doing pretty well for a fifteen day trainee. I don't have a major I want to be, like a body-builder or anything, I just want to get in shape where I know my strengths. I just want to be able to stand up for myself when I am in danger, mentally and physically.

To be honest, I am just tired and done with everybody pitying me and thinking of me as a poor girl with no brains and no thought of the future.

Almost clueless about the tragedies and dangers of real life.

And I now want to be the girl that can at least stand up for herself and her family.

I huff due to short breaths but keep running nevertheless.

I got to do this. I have to be strong.

"Are you going to the hospital today?" Rico asks.

I huff. "I don't know."

"You know doctors say there is a fat chance of coming back from coma when the patient has the person closest to him or her accompany them? You know, talking and reading stuff." He ends the statistics with a mocking tone.

"Wel...the patient has his girlfriend nagging over his condition every now and then. I think he's gonna be pretty fine." I snort.

"Oh yeah?" Rico laughs. "You don't want to be close to jungkook ? Just a little bit?"

I roll my eyes.

"Aw, come on, you want to be." He says.

"No, I don't." I say.

"You know what?" Rico says turning off the dial of his treadmill and coming to a halt, "I think if you're trying to be a girl that takes zero shit from everyone, I think you should start by telling jungkook 's girlfriend to fuck off from what belongs to you."

I huff, my breaths coming out as small pumps of air as I too turn off the dial of the machine slowly coming to a halt. "Rico, you got to understand, that man, he cheated on me, almost choked me to death once and still has that house slut groping him whenever he likes." I say clearly. "I don't think I want to take him back so easily."

"But you'd rather take a bullet for him, sí?" Rico chuckles.

"I'd do that for the sake of humanity."

"But jungkook would do that for the sake of his love for you."

"You've become a preacher of love." I narrowed my eyes on him. "What has gotten into you?"

He shrugs. "Just want you to know. That it's okay to give a chance to the guy who took a bullet for you.”

"Yeah?" I ask. "And what about him being a cheater?"

"Well...he's not slept with anybody since he got to Italy, has he?" Rico asks.

"You know very much." I roll my eyes. "Besides, weren't you the one telling me to stay away from the psychopath?"

"I did." He nods. "That was because I knew Jungkook before you, not Jungkook after you. He's changed, yn."

"How much do you know?" I cross my sweaty arms over Hy chest.

"A little bit more than you, actually." He chuckles pouring water on his head from a bottle.

I crinkle my nose. That's so gross.

"But you'll think about it, won't you?" He asks.

"About what?"

"The fact that while you're scared of getting hurt, you can never be fully strong." He says with a wide tone.

But I am sure he stole that line from somewhere.

Because Rico might be a genius but he ain't smart to put together a sentence like that.

"Yeah." I agree. "I will."

"Okay." He grins. "God, I feel like such a saint."

"Whatever." I rolly eyes. "Are we doing the shooting today or are you gonna bitch out cause you have a house slut to grope?"

"I think I'm gonna bitch out." He says. "But not because I have a house slut to grope but a meeting. A really important meeting."

"Okay." I say wiping my face with a towel. "Are you gonna come by the dinner table for lunch?"

"Yeah."

After the training stuff I walked up to my room, took a nice warm shower and got dressed in a printed strappy off-shoulder sleeved dress and shimmied my foot into my favourite black ballet flats before grabbing my purse and walking downstairs.

It was already eight-thirty and today some maids were preparing breakfast. "Morning papa." I kissed papa's cheek and sat down as he wished me a good morning too.

"Where's Rico?" I asked as a plate of toast was placed in front of me with jam and apple juice.

"He left a minute ago, talked about a meeting." Papa says.

I nod in acknowledgement. "Are you going to be home for dinner?" I asked. "Should I cook?"

"That would be lovely." Papa smiled.

"And papa..." I bite my lip. But then again, it's just not for me, it's behalf of the family. I just don't want anyone to feel that we're ungrateful.

"I was wondering if I should visit Jungkook this afternoon." I said.

"Oh?" Papa frowns. "For a good thought?"

"Yeah." I shrug.

"Go on." He says. "Take some flowers."

I nod.

The flowers I took were a bunch of bright yellow daisies tied with a bright pink ribbon.

Entering the small flower shop next to the diner I found these daisies would just go so much opposite to his character so I bought a bunch of them, like loads. Just to spite Jungkook who was still in a coma.

He can't see what sort of flower you brought. My inner girl sneered at me.

I mentally rolled my eyes at her. She was now making her presence known every day. We were not on good terms after I left Jungkook and that was all I needed to know what a hopeless little girl she was so I didn't bother much to listen to her rantings...so she just...got quite I guess.

And the ribbon I liked how it was. I also asked the vendor to put an extra large bow on the ribbon in the same colour and so I had to pay him three more euros.

Which I did gladly since the bow was fat on a pigs bottom.

I found the room Jungkook was sleeping in and knocked.

Ariana's red and tired eyes opened the door.

"Hey." She said with a smile that didn't quite reach up to her eyes.

"Hi." I smiled curtly. "How are you?"

"Tired." She sighed. "But fine."

I nodded. Fidgeting with the loose ends of the ribbon unsure of what to say. If I should even say anything.

"Come in." She smiled.

K

"Thanks." I said as I followed her inside.

The room was especially facilitated with two beds on either corner and a couch, a small fridge and a TV. One of the beds was occupied by Jungkook and the side had all the equipment he was connected to. An IV stand stood supplying him his fluids and the heart monitor was beeping continuously.

"How's he doing?"

Ariana sighs. "Nice flowers."

I hand the bunch to her. She placed them on the vase that occupied the small side table. There were no flowers or any get well soon cards.

"How is he?" I asked again given that my question was ignored at first.

Ariana sighs, taking a seat on the couch, rubbing her palms over her knee, looking aged. She looked like she hadn't slept for a week without being fed. After some moments of silence and me standing there awkwardly she sighs again and says in a whispery tone, "It's as if he doesn't want to wake up."

"He's just taking his time, I think." I say lowly feeling bad for Ariana. I think I did everything wrong. In the fifteen days after I left the hospital on the first I haven't even visited.

Which I should have. A cheater lover or not, for the sake of humanity I should have dropped by, he took a bullet for me after all.

Ariana laughs in a silent way as if almost mocking me for saying he's taking his time. I let that slide.

"I've seen him worse, yn." She says pointedly. "Much worse...but every time he was fighting against the pain and the sufferings. You've seen it too, haven't you?" She asks.

Biting my lip, I nod. Thinking back to the time when I heard Jungkook was shot and had to go in for a surgery to remove three bullets. He was so strong. We woke up after twelve hours of surgery and were ready to go to a meeting.

Almost choked you to death. My inner girl hisses. Are you going to let that slide now, when he's half dead, for you?

She's being a blaming bitch but I ignore her and the fact that no matter what he hurt me.

But he was hurt too. He barely got healed from a surgery that weakened most people.

"He'll be up soon." I murmur looking over to Jungkook . Somehow he looked smaller.

The tan glow of his skin was fading, replaced by a pale blur. The breathing tube was helping him breathe in. And his heart monitor never raises above 65 per minute.

I've been subconsciously watching that.

"He's barely hanging on." Ariana bites her lip as if trying to stop them from trembling and crying out. "He's barely there."

"Are you talking to him?" I ask suddenly, my throat is tight.

I could have at least visited him. He deserves that.

No matter how mean he has been to me.

"Yeah." Ariana says. "Eunwoo says he can listen and feel around him. He just can't respond."

"Hmm."

Ariana sighs. "Do you want a coffee or something?"

"No. No, I'm fine." I say. "It's alright Ariana." I chuckle. "You don't have to treat me like an outsider."

But she doesn't reply. She keeps staring at Jungkook , his breathing and heart rate.

But she probably does. My inner girl whispers.

Yes. I answered her.

And you've been a terrible human being. She sobs. You've been terrible to him. Imagine he never wakes up.

But he will. He's strong and...

You don't know that! She snaps sobbing. We love him so much and you won't even give him a chance to prove himself when he even went out and moved to Italy leaving the whole family behind.

And now he's shaking hands with death all because of you.

I shut my eyes tightly gripping the fabric of my dress trying to focus on something else but the accusing voice never stops.

She doesn't even stop when a tear slides down my cheek. I quickly wipe it off before she can see.

I don't want to cry.

"It's okay to cry, Yn." Ariana mumbles.

"I've been doing it for fifteen days."

I look away. Not saying anything.

"What are you doing, Yn?" Ariana asks suddenly. "You've loved him once. But you won't give him a chance to prove his love anymore.

It's like you don't want him but then you agree to go out with him and then he almost dies for you and you do...what?" She says her tone is almost mean and cold. "You don't get to do that Yn. It's either take him or leave him. He's hurt enough as it is."

"I'm sorry." I say still not looking into her eyes afraid that all I'll see is disapproval.

Ariana says nothing.

"Can I talk to him?"

"I don't want you to." She says quietly.

Well then...

"Why not?" I ask, tentatively almost not wanting to hear what she wants to say.

But I still wait anyway.

"I don't want you to hurt him." She mumbles. "I get what you did because of yourself. He was cheating on you, he had hurt you but you haven't seen how hurt he was the past year when you had built a nice life with a family here." She says.

"He had plenty of things to enjoy." I say, but my tone comes out ungrateful and full of selfishness.

Was I being selfish? Jungkook had admitted that he slept around with people. Cara. He slept around with Cara.

Ariana chuckles. "You can't justify a year on the basis of one or two random hook ups."

"But he still did, didn't he? Cheated on me?"

"It was you who left." She states. "You ended things when you came to Italy. So you can't really classify anything after your leave as cheating."

She's right, isn't she?

"But he came back." Ariana continues. "Because he loves you and wants you back. Because he's a mess without you. "

"You're making it sound like it's a favour for me." I say.

"No." Ariana says. "I don't mean it that way."

I nod, absentmindedly. It felt that way.

"I'll come back tomorrow morning. You can get some rest and a nap then." I murmur picking up my purse from the floor.

"You don't have to." Ariana sighs. "I can do this.”

"You've got kids at home, Ariana." I say. "And besides I want to be here, for him."

Ariana nods, getting up following me. We hug briefly.

"We miss you around the house." She says when we pull out from the hug. "It's dull and gloomy."

I smile sadly.

I looked at Jungkook one last time. Walking over to him I place a hand on his cheek. His body temperature was awfully low.

I'll be back tomorrow.

After I left the hospital, I thought I'd feel a bit better but all I feel is worse than what I felt before.

Maybe I've been pushing them too much away.

Maybe I should give Jungkook a chance.

A small one.

(TO BE CONTINUED)